I just cannot change.

It really bothers me when I’m underestimated.

I may not be as intelligent as people may think, but I know for sure I’m not as dumb as it seems. Sometimes the ditsy girl of me comes out, it’s uncontrollable and it’s there, but I secretly try to hide it.

I’m not booksmart. However I work very hard to get the grades I get. I invest so much time and I hope to get the grades I deserve. I always try to keep a positive attitude towards nursing school. Because you have to mentally prepare yourself just to survive and make it through. Unfortunately, there are nights where I want to give up. Bags under my eyes, grey hair and wrinkles are forming, migraines are occurring due to lack of sleep, and the worst of me comes out. I just to have to suck it in and deal with it.

I know I am a horrible driver. I try to avoid driving as much as possible. I know I am constantly criticized of how I drive, but I personally do not care. I attempted to change and get better by focusing on how I’m driving. Then I realize that I’m putting way too much energy on how I drive more than just simply focusing on the rode.

I am not materialistic as it seems. Yes I like stuff, they are nice. But all they do is temporarily make me feel pretty and make my life a little bit more convenient. I would rather just spend time with you. I would give up my stuff to have someone special to spend time with. That is what matters more to me.

Sometimes it's better to just forget...

I forgot how much it hurts to actually cry. I forgot how much your chest hurts just to breath, how hard it is it find your breathe, and how much you struggle just to inhale and exhale so passively. I forgot those endless nights where your thoughts are consumed with disappointment and sorrow. I forgot those nights where you lay there feeling really pathetic for even letting it happen.

Why must you return?

I am ready.

There are many advantages to being single. One, you can flirt, dance, talk, go out on dates, whatever you like with whomever you please to. You can have fifty plus first dates and be able to feel new and excitement with each person. Second, no one can get mad at you for your actions, other than your close friends and family of course and assuming if you take their thoughts into consideration. You don’t have to feel bad for hanging out with your friends. It’s all about you. Third, being single gives you the opportunity to meet different types of people. People who love to party, people who prioritize school, people with passion, people with talent, people who love food, people who are sensitive, people who are assertive, people with different backgrounds and/or religion, people with other priorities, you name it, it’s all yours. Fourth, you can have fun, “live the life,” and fool around with whomever without anyone knowing that side of you. This is beauty of being single. However to me, single means finding out what you want, a time for self reflection and growth, and a period of time that will lead you closer to who you are meant to be with.

There are many disadvantages with being single. One, really important one is You are alone. One scenario I would like to share is when all your friends are with their significant other and you are home on a Saturday or a Friday night not knowing what to do, wishing you were out. Another scenario is when a very close loved one has past away. You long to talk to someone at the end of the day, just to make yourself feel better. Sure talking to your friends can make you feel better, but talking to a significant other seems more pleasing in some situations. They would be there for you when you need to repeat memorable stories, to cry on their shoulder and to simply make you feel better just because they’re there. They can take you out on dinners or parties or picnics. They can take you to Disneyland and be your riding buddy. You can take mini vacations and they can take you to Broadway shows or museums or road trips. You can finally wear your dress that you've been waiting to wear and haven't worn since you bought it weeks ago. You can make them freshly baked cookies or chocolate covered strawberries. When you see a cute chick flick trailer, all you gotta say is “I wanna watch that movie” and soon you’ll be watching it next Friday. My point being is when you have someone, you have someone to share and create memories with. And you don't have all that when you're single.

At this point of my life, it seems that a lot more people enjoy being single. I’m young, and I’m almost 21. There are so many people out there for me and more logically it’s better to be single right now. However I’m tired of being single. I’m tired of feeling alone. I guess you can say I want someone there. I want someone to like and for that someone to like me back. I want something to look forward to. I want to feel loved. I am a loving person and I feel that’s what I’m missing in my life.

I’m ready to open my thoughts and emotions. I’m ready to settle down. I’m ready for a relationship and to commit once again. I am ready.